Two is a Crowd

 

Okay, so –

When I was fifteen or so, before G. I. Joe: Rise of Cobra came out, I was having fun with the whole G. I. Joe/SigmaSix thing and decided to write a piece of fanfiction featuring Thomas Arashikage (later to be known as StormShadow) and Ian (later to become Snake Eyes). If you don’t know the backstory, here’s the short of it – the two ninjas were part of the Joe team and were best friends for years, until Cobra captured Storm Shadow and brainwashed him. It’s all very cartoonish, but hey, I wanted to write fanfiction. So I did.

And it became several pieces of fanfiction; short chapters featuring the most comedic duo I’ve ever written. I thought you might enjoy reading the first chapter – they’re super-short – and if you want the next few (I wrote like… eight, I think?) I’ll post them in intervals. =)

So here you have, Two is a Crowd

Chapter One: Yeah, Right

POV: Snake Eyes

Thomas and I stared at the papers sitting on the table in front of us. They were the rental contract for the apartments we had chosen… there was just one problem.

            Neither of us had enough money for them. And we both knew there was only one solution.

            “No,” said Thomas, shaking his head, “No way, no how.”

            “Right,” I agreed firmly.

            “We’ll just have to live in an alley.”

            “Exactly.”

            We both continued to stare at the pages, then we looked at each other. Then back at the pages. Then back at each other. With a sigh, I picked up the pen and signed.

            Thomas and Snake Eyes were about to share an apartment.

 

            “This is so not going to work,” said Thomas, shaking his head. He pushed his black hair away from his forehead and surveyed the now-furnished apartment. It was small, but cozy and clean.

            It was the ‘small’ that had us worried. Neither of us are big cleaner-uppers. In fact, Thomas is a downright slob.

            Not that I’m much better.

            “I think you’re right,” I agreed.

            “Well, there’s not much we can do, anyway,” Thomas sighed. He flopped down onto the couch as I began to inspect the apartment.

            For the fourth time.

            “One bathroom,” I noted.

            “You pointed that out the first time,” said Thomas, opening a Kendo magazine.

            “Yeah, I know,” I said, “I just can’t get over it.”

            “We’ll never survive,” my brother said gloomily.

            “Two bedrooms, at least,” I said, trying to look on the optimistic side.

            “Two bedrooms that are actually closets made to look like bedrooms in order to fool people,” Thomas said.

            I looked doubtfully into the bedroom I had chosen. It was about the size of a Gestappo cell. I sighed and walked down the built-for-a-ruler-not-a-person-sized hallway and walked into the kitchen.

            “It has an island,” I called.

            “Good. We can set toothpicks on it while we cook.”

            “You’re a pessimist.”

            “This apartment was designed for them.”

            “It was designed for one person,” I said.

            “As I said. It was designed for pessimists. Who’s making dinner?”

            “You are,” I said, peering into the Fridge. It was about as big as a jewelry box.

            “We’ll get along fine here,” I said, “I think we can manage.”

            “Yeah, right.”

 

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Oh, the places we will go…

Well. I’m sitting here and I REALLY want to write something. You know those moments when your fingers are resting on the keys, and your brain is spinning and all you want to do is type out something coherent (or incoherent) and you don’t really care what it is, you just want to write it down? Yeah, that’s what I’ve got. The English language should have a word for it.

My older sister is convinced I’m going to be a cat lady when I get older. I don’t see why; I don’t even like cats particularly (okay, that’s a lie, I like most animals INCLUDING cats, but I’d rather have a dog). Just because I want to do all sorts of crazy things in a town where no one knows me doesn’t make me a cat lady. One day, very soon, I want to take twenty-four hours and go to a nearby town where I can remain anonymous and do the following:

1. Stand on a busy street corner wearing a tee shirt that says LIFE and hand lemons to everybody

2. Run into a small store, ask the cashier what year it is, and when they tell me, run out cheering “I DID IT!!!!”

3. Step into a crowded elevator and say “I suppose you’re all wondering why I gathered you here” with a straight face

4. Walk up to random people and ask them if they’ve seen my pet Spudgie. When the ask me what he looks like, I’ll describe a Pterodactyl.

5. Follow joggers around the neighborhood blasting “Eye of the Tiger” for encouragement

6. Hide behind a car in a parking lot with a bag of firecrackers. When someone walks past, start throwing the firecrackers down every time they take a step. Stop when they pause to look around; resume once they start walking again.

7. Find a police box and stand outside it with fish fingers and custard. When someone asks you what you’re doing, say “He’s late again. I got him a snack, but you know the Doctor, he’s always goofing off,” and offer the person a fish finger.

8. Get in an elevator (Oh, I love the elevator ones) and every time someone gets on, shake their hand and say “Welcome aboard, you can call me Admiral.”

9. Get in another elevator (or the same elevator) and stand there banging your head against the wall going “Shut UP all of you, just shut UP!!”

10. Go to a mall wearing dark sunglasses. Approach random people and demand “Where were you on the night of June fifth, two thousand thirteen?”

Do you have any crazy things you want to do before you die? I’d love to hear them! We should all get together and attack an unsuspecting town. Yep.

Credendo Vides,

Mirriam