The me of many faces

I know I’ve been terrible at writing things lately. That’s one thing I like about blogging, though – you can blog every two hours, or you can let it sit for two weeks, and it’s always there.

The thing is, I haven’t had much to talk to you about lately. Life has been a weird mixture of school and reading and going places and doing things that are mildly interesting but not really interesting enough to talk about. I feel like, at this point, I’m fairly contented with things – I’m usually contented, actually – but nothing exciting has happened. So I’ll probably ramble a bit and hope you stay awake.

The other day I was talking to my sisters about marriage. We like to sepculate as to what sort of guy my sister younger sister Riah and I will marry. We decided Riah is probably going to marry a loud, fun Italian man with a penchant for cooking and buying her pretty things. We sat around mulling over what sort of guy I would get, and we couldn’t really land on…anyone. I mean, I like lots of different types – looks, personality, the works. My preferences aren’t the problem.

It’s me.

My sister Maralie put it perfectly (unfortunately so) when she said, “That’s because you have ten different personalities. There’s the mature Mirriam, the fourteen-year-old Mirriam, the adventurous Mirriam, the stay-at-home-sit-on-the-computer Mirriam…” and I realized, with a kind of ‘eureka!’ sinking feeling that she’d hit the nail on the head.

I don’t mind having ten different personalities, but at the same time, I never feel quite settled. I never wake up as the same person. One day I might wake up and feel gloomy and spend the day listening to emo music and writing in my darker novels and being unsociable, another day I might wake up and feel like wearing pink, and painting my nails, and listening to bouncy music while writing a comedic short story. Some days I’m mature enough I’m mistaken for a woman out of college, and some days I would fit right in with a group of younger girls and I wouldn’t mind and we could squeal and giggle and talk fluff and I’d be perfectly happy.

And while I don’t really mind this, generally speaking, sometimes…well, I do. Because it gives me the feeling that those around me won’t like who I happen to wake up as one day, and so half the days I spend trying to come across as someone I don’t feel like that day. And it’s annoying. It distracts me from getting things done and from being happy, and therefore I can’t make other people happy. It’s a spin cycle that doesn’t seem to stop.

I don’t know if it’s just me, or if you know exactly what I’m talking about and you have the Ten People Inside Your Head Battling For Dominance syndrome, too.

So, getting back to the marriage conversation, I said “I’ll just have to marry a guy who’s willing to roll with whatever I wake up as.” And I remember that the cool thing is, God does more than put up with me. He loves me no matter how ridiculous I get, and He picks me up no matter how many times I fall, and He doesn’t laugh when I’m embarrassed and He never stops.

I pray that I’ll be as tolerant and loving of others, no matter who they wake up as, as He is of me.

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10 thoughts on “The me of many faces

  1. You just explained perfectly what I’ve been feeling lately.
    And it’s amazing.
    You are a wordsmith, my dear.
    And it’s awesome.
    And I love you.

  2. Oh wow. You know what’s awesome? You find out things I want to know (but never think of finding out), and do all the thinking for me (or at least get me thinking). You hit the nail on the end pretty much every time. I love it. XD Keep being epic and awesome and all of yourselves! 😛 God bless! Oh! Here’s something funny before I go: “You know, I’ve been single for a while. And everything’s working out. I think I’m the one.”

  3. Sometimes I feel like that too, Mirriam. But remember, not only does God love you the way you are, He MADE you the way you are. So never try to be someone you’re not. I’ve tried that. Doesn’t work. Just be you, and let other people what they will.

  4. I definitely have the Ten People Inside Your Head Battling For Dominance syndrome, too. As Dr. Seuss so aptly put it, I just try to remember to “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” One of the funny things about it is that I have a tendency to give my characters personalities that at least one side of me can relate to, so one of my friends has started referring to my various personalities as certain characters. And I actually love it. A lot. XD XD XD

  5. Oh boy…that is painfully painfully true though that does clear up a few things. I used to know EXACTLY what type of guy I’d be perfect for/wanted to marry, then I became a writer and ha… yeah…not happening.

  6. That’s why the guy you’ll marry will have extra patience. ^_^ I’m afraid I’m far to predictable…. but I totally understand what you mean by waking up like a different person every morning. For the oddest reasons some mornings I’ll just WAKE UP depressed. 😛 Other days I wake up and it’s the ‘throw-back-the-curtains-to-birdsong’ GOODMORNIIIING! *starts laughing* Yeah…. I think being a writer affects the personalities a wee bit, wot-wot! See, at least you’ll always be exciting – the guy I marry will be like, “… you suddenly are so boring because I know *exactly* how you’re gonna react”, lol. Ah, well – I think you’re wonderful! (And may you get a hot Korean dude and I’ll be forever jealous. XDDDD)

    I LOVE YOU!
    – hannah

  7. Not only does He put up with you and love you no matter which personality you have, He created every one of those personalities, and delights in all of them!

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