The Meliocentric Theory

I discovered something while at the retreat. Something unpleasant and uncomfortable; the kind of discovery that makes you wish you hadn’t discovered it at all.

I am a very self-centered person. Those of you who read my blog probably don’t know this – after all, you can only know someone so well over the internet. And honestly, I hadn’t thought of myself as a selfish person – not until it was driven home over the weekend.

I realized I’d been trying to fit God into my life, instead of fitting my life around what God wants. My vision had been totally skewed, even though I thought I’d been doing the right thing. I thought I was living for God, or at least trying to – and I hadn’t realized there was something so huge standing in my way. Me. I was thwarting my own relationship with God without meaning to by seeing myself as the be-all and end-all.

This was not an easy truth to swallow. It hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks, and I realized that my independant spirit had seized hold of me and was dragging me away. I love my artwork, and I love doing commissions – but they are not first and foremost in my life. I love writing and my characters, but they should not mean more to me than real people.

I should be more concerned about helping my mother and father and siblings than about doing what I want to do. My life is not, as the song goes, “All bout me, all about I, all about number one, oh my-me-my” but about God and furthering His kingdom. There are times when I should not be engrossed in writing, but should be doing the laundry because mom is too busy. There are times when I should put down my book and help a sibling with a project. There are times when I should leave the pencils and paper and go to the store with dad.

I’m a servant, not the one to be served. And while I discovered this, I didn’t ‘learn’ it. That’s going to take a long time, because selfishness winds around you like a strand from a spiderweb until you’re so thickly smothered it takes years to untangle. As Sergeant Slaughter says, ‘knowing is half the battle’ – so I’ve taken the first step. And, since this is a rather sobering post, here’s something a bit more fun.

This is a video taken at the father-daughter retreat of my best friend Hannah, our mutual wonderful friend Abi, and myself. You probably know which one I am, but just in case, I’m the one wearing the scarf. Be prepared to hear my voice for the first time, and please tell me whether or not you think it suits. 🙂

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37 thoughts on “The Meliocentric Theory

  1. 😀 Definitely suites you the voice I mean. Welcome to the battle, sistah-soldier, the life long up close and personal wrestling match. No, spell check I didn’t mean stasis soldier. Why in the world would you even have that as a suggestion? O_o

    Moving on.

    I love what the Puritans called “the flesh” ( you know that irritating throne-of-the-Most-High-usrping death-dealing substitute monarch that desperately tries to keep SELF in full and complete control? ) they called it the “resident devil” and how aptly did they name it.

    We are all selfish (fyi)

    I got a wake-up call in Wal*mart about how nasty(selfish) and judgmental(selfish) my heart is just last week. Ugh. But I know this, He never breaks that He does not bind up, and never wounds that it doesn’t bring greater strength.

    I know He’s got the right balance of service and art for you, listen to Him for He is so tender and gentle with correction and ready to comfort even as He brings conviction. And if you want to see my wack-upside the head, go read “A love letter in Wal*mart” on my blog. 😛 No, on second thought DONT read it. ::sniffle:: my poor ego . ..it writhes. . .

  2. Welcome to the world everybody inhabits from time to time. Selfishness is one of the core sins, and it is engrained in every human heart from childhood, or really, infancy. Becoming aware of the problem, and enlisting God’s aid in battling it, are huge steps, but let me say this; you won’t wake up one morning, decide to become a more selfless person, and then do it. The work of the Holy Spirit convicts you, you make that an area of work, and then, the real work is done by God. I can be a selfish person, but I’m not nearly so selfish as I was even a year ago, and it wasn’t because I decided all of the sudden to become selfless; it’s because I began taking my relationship with God seriously, and became more open to His leading. It’s amazing the changes that happen when God is at work in your life; they happen almost without you being aware of them. And also remember that change happens by FAITH and GRACE and not works, and that the fact that we fail often should teach us to depend wholly on God, and look to Him for a righteousness we can’t manufacture on our own. Sorry to ramble, but I will conclude by saying I commend you for being open to God’s conviction of you in this regard. There are plenty of people who wouldn’t listen to Him here. And I see that you took inspiration from my ‘does the voice fit the face’ remark and asked people to give you their opinions 🙂

    • Thank you so much, Stephen. That was so true and so exactly what I needed to hear =) And yes, I DID take your comment and use it m’self. ^.^

  3. Excellent post and very true, the only thing is applying what you know to be true, which at times can be very challenging.
    And a Stephenaurther? (y’know the previous commenter)
    Also stated we fight every day, but not against flesh and blood, our nature but we don’t fight alone as we have “The Creator who hath made the very things we fight against will give us the power to conquer them if we only ask it of him”.

    At first I thought it strange that you took so many pictures with people I know in them, but then I remembered (how could I forget?) I am homeschooled. lol It is strange that we have not met, but I think it must happen sooner or later.

    How far are your books from being published( I doubt you would have any trouble with that) or readable length?

    Same as always,
    ~sir007roland

  4. You are very welcome. I am glad to be of some assistance 🙂 I thought you did. I still don’t understand why we form these unconscious ideas of people’s voices or appearances like that sometimes. Strange. I’ve had that happen a lot with my favorite sports commentators.

  5. So true…I really need to keep this in mind. Do you ever feel as if you are your own worst enemy?

    I don’t remember if I’d heard your voice before, but I think you did post a video of you and your younger sister, once upon a time…but my memory is not very dependable, so I might just be imagining things. Your voice sounds normal in this, I guess, although at times in that video it was hard to hear what your real voice sounded like since you were using the “different” one (like when you said “instant connection”). You really don’t want to hear my voice; it is most certainly not impressive-sounding.

    That “sir007roland” looks familiar…I wonder if I’ve seen him before somewhere… 😛

    • Oh, you mean your brother? XD I should HOPE you’ve seen him before!
      I was using a different voice? O_O My voice changes all the time. I use different inflections and whatnot, so I guess it can be confusing if you don’t know me =) And yes, I do often feel as if I”m my own worst enemy. In fact, I know I am!!

  6. Ok so? Send it to me and I’ll be your grammar editor…jk
    Hey and stop smiling like =) that’s how I smile, if you want you can smile like this -> 🙂 , or this =D oh wait thats how I smile too well it looks like you can only smile like this 🙂
    lol Hey your voice fits you, ha! Take that science guy.
    So what’s the date of release for Elmeria?

    • Hahah; my book has been edited, not published. ^_^ (See? I can smile however I like, haha!) I don’t know the release date; I have yet to submit it.
      I’ll send you the first draft of Arch Angel, if you’d like! Max is reading Elmeria, so you’ll basically be reading the opposites I send you =) No spoilers!

  7. Ok so? Send it to me and I’ll be your grammar editor…jk
    Hey and stop smiling like =) that’s how I smile, if you want you can smile like this -> 🙂 , or this =D oh wait thats how I smile too well it looks like you can only smile like this 🙂
    lol Hey your voice fits you, ha! Take that! science guy.
    So what’s the date of release for Elmeria?

  8. I’ve been feeling a bit like this, recently. As though I need to just step back, and not just think about me all the time, and do something with my parents or my friends. Though for me, there isn’t really the God aspect to it, but I still realize that I’ve been thinking too much about me, and not enough about them. Glad to see this post, and how you think about this topic.

    -Sofie

  9. I remember being convicted of the same thing at about the same age as you (though that was several years ago for me 😉 ) It’s still a struggle at times, especially if I want to finish a project. I know everyone is self-centered, but I think we artists tend toward it a little more than most. We can get all wrapped up in our creations and the little worlds spinning in our heads and forget the people who we should really care about.
    The good news is, we’re surrounded by brothers and sisters who are in the same struggle and who can encourage each other, as Michelle is always reminding us to do. 🙂

  10. I love your friends – iron sharpening iron and building each other up in the very midst of insanity… what could be better? ♥

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