Real you, real me

Have you ever noticed how when someone is taking a picture of another person, the subject of the picture always poses ‘just so’ (myself included) so as to look their best? Everyone believes they have a ‘good side,’ one side of their face that is more attractive than the other. For instance, I feel my left side is my less attractive side.

I look rounder and more chubby-cheeked than when seen from my right side:

Therefore, unless a picture is being taken straight-on, I automatically tilt my head to reveal more of my right side than my left. “Sure,” you say, “I do that too. So what?”

Well, we do this with more than just our profiles when confronted with a lens. We do this with our character and personality as well. You meet someone new, and you want to impress them, so you conform to their standards and become someone you think they’ll like. This is especially easy to do over the internet. I realized about a year ago that the way I came across typed was far different than how I came across in real life. This was not intentional, of course, and I set about making my written self as genuinely ‘me’ as I could make it. Granted, I have more of a flair for writing than for speaking, and writing gives me time to sort my thoughts – something far more difficult when speaking aloud. My friend Hannah gave me a verse about not being hesitant to speak, and though I can’t remember where it comes from in the Bible, it has been a great help.

But to get back to the subject, it’s easy to try and be someone else. We think our ‘persona’ will be more attractive and appealing to the people we’re with. They mention they like a certain musical group and you say “Oh, yeah, me too!” even if you don’t particularly care for them. We do this just to score points, to make people like us.

And when I step back and look at it… it’s a really dumb thing to do. God created us how He wants us to be. Can you imagine what He thinks of us when we do that? “Why is she trying to be different than how I created her? Doesn’t she know I love her just the way I made her?”

I’ll tell you a few things about myself.

I LOVE… life. In general. I honestly do. “No, this isn’t a FROWN, this is my thoughtful expression!”

I AM NOT… amazing. I’m me, and that’s that.

I DANCE… like crazy in my room to upbeat music, but only when nobody’s watching.

I LOVE… to sing, and I love my voice, but I can’t do it in front of people. Front-row seat outside the shower door, people.

I’M NOT… skinny. My sister is skinny. I’ll never be on a magazine color, and for the most part I’m OK with that. I’m not saying I wouldn’t like to be built like a model, but hey.

I CRY… at movies. And books. I cry all the time at emotional parts.

I SING… while I do the dishes.

I’M… terribly absentminded.

I FORGET… phone messages. All the time.

I AM… a hopeless fangirl. No, this does not mean I fantasize or give my heart away. I just fangirl.

I AM… a self-proclaimed geek. I’m also a nerd. I like being one. =D

I CAN BE… extremely rude to people I don’t like. This is not a good thing, and results in some foot-in-mouth moments. Sarcasm + people dislike = bad.

I AM… awful at math. My brain shorts out and gets stage fright.

I LIKE… experimenting with fashion and makeup. On my 18th birthday I’m going to go berserk. Probably purple lipstick and cat-eye. Ahem.

I SOMETIMES… forget to do my devotions. And then I feel awful and read five chapters trying to make it up. I’m also an idiot.

I GET… frustrated with myself if a drawing doesn’t come out how I like it. I look at other artists and feel like crawling under a rock and dying because I’ll never amount to anything.

I GET… discouraged when I read a book by an author who has a magical touch, and I think I’ll never be able to write like them.

 I NOTICE… little details. Colors, sounds, smells, things like that. They mean a lot to me.

I DON’T… always do what I’m told. This is one of my biggest flaws – I allow myself to get sidetracked, or I forget, or I do what I want to do instead. I hate this about myself, and am really working on doing things RIGHT THEN. Procrastination – bad.

I WISH… I looked good in anything I wore. But I’m not Cindy Crawford.

I WISH… I was engaged. Silly but true. The poor nonexistent man.

I HAVE… a very sharp tongue and a very quick temper. This is not the best combo for turning away wrath. It’s more like a Do-it-yourself Fire Starter kit.

 I AM… a child of God, a princess of the kingdom of Heaven, and loved by the High King of All. He doesn’t care about my faults and my flaws. Every time I make a mistake – and this happens more times a day than I’d care to count – I come crawling back to Him, and He lifts me up, sets me straight, and loves me, no matter what.

So I may not be perfect, but I don’t have to be. My God is.

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29 thoughts on “Real you, real me

  1. “I GET… discouraged when I read a book by an author who has a magical touch, and I think I’ll never be able to write like them.” ~Dear Mirri, I’m going to let you in on a secret. If you ever get comfortable with how your writing is, it means you’ve stopped being a great writer. Let your discouragement make you a better author, not a depressed one. And I, for one, don’t see any reason why you should be discouraged

  2. First off, this is very well done. I would do something like this on my blog, but the only person who would read it is my mom, and she already knows about all of my flaws 🙂 She does know more about the good in me than I do sometimes too.
    I don’t try to adjust photographs of me. I have simply come to the realization that I take terrible pictures (or so I think at least) and therefore I don’t bother 🙂 As far as putting on a different face online…easier to do than one thinks. But I do my best to be as genuine as possible, in all areas of my life, not just online stuff 🙂 I think I’ve done a pretty decent job of it, judging from the quality of my ‘online’ friends!
    I love life too! Except I tend to be too pessimistic; something to work on!
    Ooh; I am not amazing either. However, that’s not a bad thing.
    I do not like to dance or sing; I sing in my head if at all.
    I am skinny, and I mean REALLY skinny. I have no muscle and no fat; it’s all skin and bones. In that sense, what you see is what you get.
    I am highly hesitant to cry in emotional situations, so I just wind up getting choked up 🙂
    I am very routine oriented and punctual, and handle myself well unless I get knocked out of my routine, which, in life, is far too often!
    I am also a geek and a nerd, and loving it!
    I tend to be too judgmental, inwardly, of people I don’t like. Not so much recently, thankfully.
    I am very good at basic math, but incompetent at anything beyond that. Chemistry, algebra, geometry…
    I do practically nothing with my appearance whatsoever. I wear clothes from the top of the clothing drawer down.
    I don’t forget my devotions, but instead run myself through with guilt if I don’t feel good about my spiritual state.
    I don’t draw, so I don’t compare myself with artists, but you are a very good one! Pictures here at home presented as evidence.
    I do that with my writing too.
    I notice details, but mine are more concrete, such as stats, trends, numbers, and accuracy.
    I am a bad, bad, legalist and am much to introspective. These, possibly my biggest flaws, wind up hurting me more than they do other people.
    I wouldn’t mine thinking myself good looking, but since I’m not, I don’t bother. Few people are really spectacularly handsome or spectacularly beautiful, but I don’t think you are bad looking at all.
    Ah! I wouldn’t mind being engaged myself, although I am coming to realize that God has different timing ideas than I do.
    Those last points are excellent! I struggle to believe them sometimes, but they are true. We aren’t perfect, but God is!
    Sorry to ramble, but when I saw your post, my writing instinct took over, and I had to respond!

    • Isn’t it amazing, how many flaws and cool things that make up our personalities? We’re all so different!! Even those of us who seem separated at birth have so many quirks indiginous to themselves that… well, variety is the spice of life! God must have fun, giving us all such different characters. 🙂 I’m so glad you liked the post! ^.^

  3. I love this so much! I’m encouraged by your bravery to confront your flaws and let us know the genuine you, as best as can be done over computer. I pray that God will help me do the same- my prayer lately has been, “Teach me to be humble!” We need to be real if we’re going to relate to other people. I feel like I know you that much more now!

    I’ll probably going to be coming back to this post and sharing it with others ;P

  4. “I HAVE… a very sharp tongue and a very quick temper. This is not the best combo for turning away wrath. It’s more like a Do-it-yourself Fire Starter kit.”
    Oh my! Can I relate to that!

  5. Mirriam Neal, where have you been? I haven’t heard from you in so long. As you can probably tell I’m no longer on Facebook, but have found that WordPress is the new “in” thing for blogging. Message me sometime, and the little bit I read of this post is cool. So true too.

  6. I understand what you mean about never amounting to anything (drawing for you). I feel the same way when it comes to working/riding horses. I sometimes feel that I will never be as good as the other girls at the barn and find myself constantly comparing myself to them.Though, then I do something with a horse that no one else can do and I don’t feel like such a failure. I have a gift with horses and you have a gift with drawing! YOU, dear Mirriam, are an amazing artist. You bring the characters to life and really capture their personalities. God has gifted you and with that gift, you have gifted others. 😀 Love ya!! ❤

    • We all have areas where we fel incompitent =) Working at the stables isn’t one for me; I totally love it. Horses are amazing, aren’t they?? I seriously miss riding… I”ll have to call my Mom’s friend up and take advantage of her riding offer. =D
      Thank you so much, Emily =) =)))

  7. Mirri,

    I loved this post, girl, and I love you for EXACTLY who you are and who God made you to be!

    Talk to you on Friday!

    xoxoxo,
    Cassie

  8. Nice post 🙂 I am also a “secret singer” and I’m awful at math. Most authors seem to be . . . I think we’re word people, not number people 🙂 (And, vice versa, people who are good mathematicians seem to not do so well at writing. Hm . . .)

    Planning to email you today if I don’t have too many other important things to do 🙂

  9. This is a really beautiful post, Mirriam. I really loved it. I agree with D.S. Dahnim– word people, not number people. 😛

    I loved reading it. It made me smile.

    Sofie

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