Note: Everything I about this movie, I got from www.pluggedin.com’s review on Eclipse. Just so you know. I haven’t read it, I haven’t seen it, but I know enough about it to rant about it a little. So here you go.
Three words – goodie goodie gumdrops!
They’re BAAAACK with another movie – (no, really, another one!). And by ‘them’ I mean Bella “Mary-Sue” Swan, Edward “demi-god” Cullen and Jacob “Wolfman” Black. Ah, the joys of Twilight.
If you don’t know the Twilight plot – well, heaven help you because it’s been used time and time again. Girl meets Boy. Boy and Girl fall in love. Introduce another Boy who loves Girl who loves both Boys. It’s your basic love triangle with a few werewolves and vampires thrown in.
But honestly, I had to rant again. Now the things that bother me about these movies aren’t the vampires and werewolves. No, in fact they’re in rather favorable lights in this series – most of them, anyway. Let me share with you what bothers me about these movies/books.
1. Bella. Honestly. “I’m in love with you, Edward! I’d die for you! I’d lose my soul for you! Please turn me into a vampire so we can marry! Who cares about afterlife?” but… “Oh, dear, Jacob, I’m in love with YOU, too! Oh dear – so what if you love me, protect me, fight for me? Edward is just too… SHINY!!”
So maybe I’m exaggerating… but not much. Really not that much. This girl needs to get her mind straight – she needs to put her feet on the ground, she needs to re-evaluate her life, immortal or not.
2. “Romance”. Good grief. This isn’t ‘romance’ – this is over-the-top-totally-unrealistic-torn-between-two-perfect-guys-cliched-predictable lust. On one hand, there’s Edward. Oh, dear – he’s a vampire, he’s in deep love with Bella, he’s sexxxaaay (at least Bella and half the females in America think so – I am exempt) he ‘sparkles’ (yes, ladies and gents, he *sparkles* in the sun – ah, me) and he’s immortal. WOW! Okay, so basically he’s practically perfect in every way. He’s chivalrous to a fault – one plus for him, at least. But these books/movies are setting girls up – they will have unrealistic expectations of what love should be, and they’ll be disappointed. At least, they probably will. I mean, I’m sure there are at least FEW immortal vampires out there who are willing to fall in love with plain-Jane klutzes from nowhere… aren’t there?
3. Jacob. Okay. Let me see. He’s a werewolf, he’s in deep love with Bella, he’s sexxxaaay (once again, according to half the females in America) and he walks around shirtless for most of the movie. Bella even once asks Edward “Doesn’t he own a shirt?” concerning Jacob. Well, yeah, but he and his pack of werewolf buddies aren’t too fond of clothing, so they basically just don’t bother with it. This, of course, gives the females in the audience plenty of time to ogle Jacob’s buff body- which could be considered just as bad as the Miley Cyrus scandals considering he’s only seventeen years old and therefore still underage. Yeah, shapeshifting WOULD be hard on clothes… but it’s different when you’re shirtless in a book then when you’re shirtless throughout 99 percent of the movie for the express purpose of getting females to drool over you.
4. The Parents
Okay, so… Bella’s father thinks that she and Edward have gone all the way. What does he say? Basically, “just be careful, honey.” And when Bella informs him she’s still a virgin, he says that it makes him like Edward a little more.
…oohhhkay, well, I guess Bella doesn’t have to worry about over-protective parents, at least…
And so, there you have them.
Those are my reasons for being ticked at Twilight. I’m not going to waste any energy being either a Twi-hard or an AnTwi – I would just like to leave you with this verse.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~ Phillippians 4: 8