Look at that. The picture of innocence. Delicate white teacup… tablecloth, everything. Harmless.
Well, I, your friendly neighborhood Johnny Raincloud, am here to inform you that making a cup of tea is not 3 easy steps like the deceitful boxes of teabags tell us. Oh, no. They’d have us believe that making a cup of tea consists of placing the bag in the cup, letting it steep for 2-5 minutes in hot water, and adding cream if desired.
Here is how it REALLY goes.
1. Find the perfect cup to suit your mood. This is more difficult than you would think. If it’s a rainy day, I want my favorite mug, probably green and clear. If it’s morning, I use a big red Starbucks mug. If it’s later in the day, well, who knows. But it’s an ordeal.
2. Add sweetener. Which goes something like this. “Where’s the sugar? Oh, yeah, it’s on the island because of the ants. *puts in 2-3 teaspoons of sugar* Oh, drat. I forgot – we have Agave! *dumps sugar back into the bowl, adds agave* Gets hands sticky, washes hands, turns the kettle on.
3. Kettle starts making a funny noise, so you pop the lid off and add water.
4. You sit down at the computer and forget about the kettle until it erupts with a scream that would rival a banshee.
5. Jump up from the computer, knock over the chair, and dash to the kitchen.
6. Grab the kettle and pour the cup of tea, burn your hands on the teakettle, drop it back onto the stove, clean up spilled water and add the teabags you forgot to put in the teacup. (Note: You may burn your fingers badly, which has happened to me, or the teakettle might explode on you, which has also happened to me.)
7. Sit down at the computer and get absorbed in something.
8. Look down at the time and see your cup has been steeping for twenty minutes.
9. See #5.
10. Dump some tea out of the cup, take the teabag(s) out (I use two, usually) and add cream.
11. Take a sip, it’s too strong.
12. Add more sugar, then remember you were supposed to use agave.
13. Hope it doesn’t taste weird, dump some more tea out, add some more cream.
14. Take a sip, realize it’s too cold, turn the kettle on again.
15. Steps 7, 8, and 9 are repeated.
16. Add more hot water to the cup, and take a sip.
17. Now it’s not sweet enough – again. Add more sweetener, maybe a little more cream.
18. Take another sip… aaah. Perfect. And it only took half an hour, with minimal injuries.
I love a good cup of tea.