NOTE: I am guilty of absolutely every single one of these.
But I know you are, too, so don’t laugh just yet.
You know you’re a writer when…
• You find yourself writing loads of fanfiction for your favorite movies, books, and TV shows
• You can’t read a book or watch a movie without thoroughly analyzing each character
• You find yourself critiquing books you read
• You know at least four synonmyms for every word (Face – countenance, visage, features).
• You have more pens, pencils, and scraps of paper on your person than a ninja has weapons
• You tend to stick pencils in your hair, then forget about them and walk around looking for something to write with (alas, absentmindedness comes with being a writer).
• You get so wrapped up in stories that you find yourself talking to them (“How COULD he???” “What were you THINKING?” “This story is AWFUL!” “I wonder if they wrote any more books…”)
• You think you should invest in a cell pone or bluetooth so you can talk to your characters but nobody will give you strange stares
• You spend entire days talking, dressing, and acting like a character to ‘get inside their head’
• You have made up your own fantasy language
• You never get High elves, dark elves, wild elves, night elves, or santa elves mixed up
• You automatically use your pen name more than your real one
• You have more character files than the FBI
• You would rather talk to your characters than the person sitting by you
• You’re upset because you grew up in a normal family with two parents, five kids, and a dog. What a gyp.
• You refer to your favorite characters as ‘my baby’
• You simply smile and nod when people say ‘you’re crazy’ because you know it and you’re proud of it
• You keep every notebook you’ve ever had with writing it because one of them might spark an idea some day
• You have notebook stuffed with funny, witty, or clever lines that you will change a little and use yourself (It is NOT plagiarism!!)
• You start a book/movie and instantly know who is going to die and who will survive
• You start a book/movie and know how the plot will turn out after the first five chapters
• Nobody likes to watch movies with you because you talk through the whole thing, pointing out mistakes, laughing, crying, and over-reacting
• You go into fits watching someone write with bad grammar
• You find yourself talking about your characters as if they were real. “So-and-so said… uh, I mean, I wrote…”
• After correcting your mistake, you apologize to the character because the person you were talking to wouldn’t have understood
• “New Book Smell” perfume would sell (sheesh, you’d even take old book smell!)
• You consider ink on your fingers to be badges of honor
• You can’t stand those cranked-out fanfiction books (only good fanfiction gets by you!)
• You can’t stand it when nobody ever ‘says’ anything, it’s always ‘he retorted’ ‘she growled’ ‘he snorted’ ‘she pouted’
• You can’t stand it when all anybody ever does is SAY things – ‘she said’ ‘he said’
• You’re always on the lookout for real models for your characters
(These next ones are from other sources)
• Getting the scene finished is more important than food, coffee, or the bathroom.
• You have a favorite line from every movie you’ve seen.
• You have a folder on your computer labeled “Ideas.” Some of the files within this folder have only one or two words or sentences and while they made perfect sense fifteen years ago, between the software changes in that period of time garbling half the words and your own faulty memory, you have no idea what it means or where you were going with it. But you keep it anyway because you never know, you might remember it eventually.
• (NOTE: I COULD NOT BELIEVE I FOUND THIS!! AAAHHH!! This is SOOO me hahahaha!!!) You think Paul Bettany’s portrayal of Chaucer in A Knight’s Tale is one of the most brilliant characters ever put on film . . . and you often quote several of his lines:
- Chaucer: I’m a writer.
Wat: A what?
Chaucer: A wha–a what? A writer. I write, with parchment, and ink. Geoffrey Chaucer’s the name, writing’s the game. You’ve read my book? the Book of the Duchess? No? Well, it was allegorical.
Roland: Well, we won’t hold that against you, that’s for every man to decide for himself.
Chaucer: I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw.
Will: You lied . . .
Chaucer: Yes . . . yes I lied. I’m a writer, I give the truth scope!
• You know the difference between metaphor, allegory, and analogy—and you use all of them.
• The thought of sharing a computer with someone else horrifies you. What if they accidentally download a virus? What if they change the settings in Word? WHAT IF THEY READ MY STUFF???
• You live in a constant state of “What if?”